Life is Wierd Sometimes...

I've been home a couple of months now and I just read back over my blog from Switzerland, and decided I needed a new blog.

My life feels like its in a lull right now. I don't like lulls. I'm afraid of being too comfortable. I think most people call these ruts. It ironic though that I'm afraid of getting too comfortable, but at the same time afraid of the things that will make me uncomfortable.

I have recently started a training course that would certify me to be a teacher. I never really wanted to be a teacher, though I have been "teaching" and working with kid's since I was very young myself. As a matter of fact, when I was a wee little child, I used to play in this closet underneath the stairs (I'm a bit like Harry Potter in that way). I would play with those tiny things of Play-Dough, but instead of playing with the Play-Dough I would write names on the lids and pretend like they were children and I was the teacher. When I was around that same age I also told my mom that I was going to be a missionary in Africa. Maybe I was a little prophetess even back then.

About five years ago I was in the exact same position I am in now. Then, I was graduating from high school and not really wanting to go to Criswell. I wanted to do something cool, like go to NYU and study Literature. It turned out, by the Providence of God, that those five years were the most amazing years of growth in spirtuality and in knowledge.

Here I am again, standing at another crossroads, not overlly excited about the path I am walking on. Again, I want to do something cool like work in an orphanage or save the world, but God is so much smarter than me (total understatement) and his forsight is way beyond mine (because he already dwells in the place that I am going). This is how I know that five years from now I will be blogging about how good and gracious God has been in the next five years.

I am a planner to some extent, but I have never planned my life past the next step I am going to take. I have never had life goals or attainable ambitions. God knows that I am like this (duh! He made me this way). He knew when He knit me together that He was going to have to hold my hand the whole way. I am not a go getter. I am a stay here and waiter. I don't move unless God moves me, but I'm not gonna lie sometimes I grow impatient when I can't see what's coming. That is the season I am in. I can't see what's coming, and it is frustrating the crap out of me!!! But its nice to know that while I'm waiting I can hold God's hand. I'd rather sit here and hold God's hand than run out infront of Him. So that's what I'll do, because it's a pretty awesome hand that I'm holding onto.

Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
    I have no good apart from you."

 As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,
   in whom is all my delight.

 The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;
   their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
   or take their names on my lips.

 The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;
   you hold my lot.
 The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
   indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

 I bless the LORD who gives me counsel;
   in the night also my heart instructs me.
I have set the LORD always before me;
   because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

 Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
   my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
    or let your holy one see corruption.

 You make known to me the path of life;
   in your presence there is fullness of joy;
   at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Psalm 16